i feel..

I feel so blessed. I feel so forgiven, on the things that i should not even be forgiven. Looking back at all the sins in me i've committed, I feel so grateful that i'm even accepted by God because of Jesus. I feel so touched. I feel my heart is trembling of His majesty and the holiness that i can't even imagine, left alone compare. I feel like a lost child who has been found. I feel like a person who'd been snatched from the deepest pit of hell, plucked away by grace. I feel that whatever i did and do does not even make me worth getting any merits, far from being close to getting it. I feel like crying, not of sadness, but of joy, understanding, and love because i'm being loved by Someone whom i don't deserve to be loved so much. His plaster for me is as wide as the wound in me and the world. By my own, I can only badly cover myself in shame by fig trees woven together, and failing to be covered altogether. It's only Him that i'm declared as righteous. He had paid it all.

Awaken Me

Forgive me for neglecting Your heart,
Forgive me for neglecting mine.
Forgive me for my busy life,
Forgive me for wasting time,

For I'm dark from working in the vineyard,
but my heart I have forgotten

Put Your hand upon my heart
Put Your hand upon my heart
Put Your hand upon my heart
I want to feel

Let me know that I'm alive
Let me know that I'm alive
Let me know that I'm alive
I want to feel (You)

Take away the dullness
Take away a proneness to boredom
Take away my wandering spirit
And take this wild soul

Fascinate me
Captivate me
Come and hold me like you do

Fascinate me
Captivate me
Capture this imagination
Capture my affections, too

Fascinate
Captivate
God, Come and capture my imagination

Fascinate
Captivate
God, Capture my affections, too

I want You to awaken me
Came awaken me
Awaken me
Awaken me
Awaken me 

 

 

I've been busy with so many things lately, either in church and in school, studies. Even when i'm not busy, i'm still busy with my thoughts. Forgive me, Jesus. I've planned to spend more time in the holiday, just me and Him, no petitions, no prayer items, just soaking in Him, be still. I know i longed for it so much, and He want me too. But i failed Him, not enough, not the desired time was spent. How can i not make full use of the time when i'd gotten a holiday? This morning, i spoke to Him. I needed strength so much to face the day. Don't know why, when i am to go to school, i so need Him to help me through the day. It just really feels like i can't go on, i'm not brave enough to do that. Everyday i need Him so much, yet many times i didn't seek Him with my whole heart even i know this is what i need, He is who i needed to face every single day. I know i sound really frail here, but i am frail. I am weak. Without Him, i'm weak. Sometimes it just felt like i'm just visiting His garden, but not staying there, enjoying the garden. To reside in His garden. I want to reside in His garden.

I will seek Him.

LOL 1.0 camp

My heart is in JOY right now. Just came back from youth camp today. This is the first camp being officially one of the camp committee. And one of the group leaders, which i didn't know until one day before camp >.<. I've been seeing the progress of the planning from the very start and i actually find it pretty amazing. How and what is actually happening behind the scene, behind the planning of the camp. Last time i will just have to pay, sit back and relax and enjoy when the camp time comes. Haha, well didn't mean that i didn't enjoy to do more than that this time. Anyway, appreciate all the committees for their hard work! Can't believe the camp is now actually over! Edmund asked me on the way back home, "Is your heart still back in the camp?". YES! *sentimental now dy..haha*

Really glad that in this camp, i've the opportunity to sharpen my focus back onto God. No distractions. No computer, no movies. It feels so good~!

All glory to God! Lives changed, hearts renewed, heart of stones become heart of flesh, eyes opened, salvations, refreshments!! This is the work of Jesus, whom i love. Sigh...=) I'm always amazed by His work. How great He is, powerful, slow to anger and abounding in love, readily forgiving those who repented. Can't explain it all, can i?

Learnt from the pastor that i really should have passion for prayer, passion for His Word, compassion for people and the ability to witness to people! Gonna work on this, God-willing! 

Happy to have met new friends and to get closer to those people in youth. I find that there's something assuring that i'm still able to work or meet with most of those people whom i got closer to and met in camp in church! Love all of you guys and girls!!

The journey starts now. This is truly a new season. To continue on the fire, the passion for God! To help others to carry that fire too! To encourage each other and look towards the future together with the same vision! I'm truly excited!!

May God's people, may Powerhouse
Carry that vision and not forget it
To Live Out Loud for Jesus!


Gotta plop on my bed again~
God bless! ;)

p/s: I LOVE THIS NEW BACKGROUND!!

Xtreme Challenge in Sunway

Lilian asked me on last Thursday morning whether i've heard of this competition called Xtreme Challenge by AMBP and Sunway in Sunway Lagoon. It was on the Saturday itself, which was yesterday! I didn't know much about it except it was a bit like Amazing Race. I was pretty excited because i love this kind of events. :) So, she helped me to sign up together with another 4 other friends, Michelle, Brian, Kaw and Winky. Hehe, such an unlikely combination i feel. Anyway, it was really a last minute registration, i think we were the last group to register on that Thursday afternoon itself! So, half of my heart didn't really believe that we'll get selected, so i just chose "Nuts" as my group's name. Lo and behold, on Fri evening, we found out that we got selected! WEEEEE! Thanks to Lilian and the cool helper there. x)

So, like in a dream, i reached there. Didn't expect to be treated that well. I have to admit that i was indeed really excited of what is installed, but didn't really want to believe in the wild imaginations that i had in my mind. But to my surprise, it fit to my fantasies(well, almost at least).

First, AMBP was very generous in providing for our needs despite that we did not pay them a cent to enter the race. First prove was the awesome breakfast - spicy sotongs, rendang chickens etc. I thought it would just be bihun packed in a polystyrene box. (after that, we even had buffet lunch!) Haha.

Anyway, later on we were briefed about the rules and regulations of the competition. We were required to complete 10 stations (each given a clue so have to figure out the place) in 2 hours. And we were allowed to beg, borrow or steal, using creativity to win this game! Nuts~ XD Each station, we were needed to complete a task or rather sit the rides in the Sunway itself! Awesome eh? Like we are paid to play.hehe
So, i sat for 3 stations which were G-force (first time sitting this, and this requires extra rm 100 i think for the customers to ride on and i sat this for free and it was awesome!), Mountain bike (with 4 wheels, haha, but got to experience the feeling of riding a bike in forest) and kayaking (my third time so nothing special, pulled two Iraq-ians to participate together).
I got separated with the rest somewhere in the middle of the race in order to complete more races. My other team members got to kiss the snake, archery, flying fox and one more ride i forgot what it was. AWESOME!
It was quite an experience, to beg people to help me in the rides, and to beg people to let me cut the queue. Yes, like a beggar! Was quite embarassing actually but oh well, i allowed myself to be crazy this time XD 

I found out that the facilities and the varieties of the rides in Sunway Lagoon has increased by leaps and bounds over the pass few years! I remember i was a frequent visitor to Sunway when i was in primary. And my last one was when i was in my early years of secondary. It wasn't that thrilling compared to Genting. But now, my view on Sunway has changed after running about in the park. Today, this place consists of minimum 5 parks! It is huge, and beautiful!

So, back to the race, in the end, we got number 11th. Should've gotten under ten but we lost one of the stamp that is required to gain marks. Nevertheless, each of us got TWO free tickets for ALL PARK and a Sunway privilege card! Never could've been better. x)

Well, we were allowed to continue playing in all the parks after the race. I didn't stay back though to rush for bowling with my cell members. All in all, this Xtreme Challenge competition was truly too good to be true. But, it was indeed true and i enjoyed myself alot~ :)

the Promised Land

I felt like the Israelites in the Bible. And the Promised land is like my exams and the factors/time/arena before exams.
Haha, i know it seems weird to view it this way and might not be revelant, but it just felt like that to me now. x)
Looking at the land that God wants me to take over. The land full of the strong and tall people, where the descendants of Anak lived too *remembering the movie 'Troy'*. Awesome, powerful people there. Not only that, the city is fortified and large! Might have all those strong guards, sharp-eyed archers at those tall, thick walls. Somehow almost the same as the syllabus in this exam. Tough, challenging, mind-wrecking and wide in syallabus.
But the land is full and rich with honey and milk. Fruitful land indeed. The same goes to this exam. Once conquered, i can be able to enjoy the fruit. They're good.
Being the Israelites, the 40 years in the desert seems like the practices, classes and exercises. The training, disciplining, persevering on, trials and faith.

When its time to view this land aka exam, i can have responses like the Israelites, scared, discouraged, complained and wanted to give up. But look at what happened to them next. They, the older ones, were barred from entering that Promised Land because they did not trust in the Lord and follow what He commanded.
I shall learn to have faith. To go in to that land, and fight till the last bit, from front till the end of that piece of land. But like what happened when the Israelites wanted to enter that land after their rebellions yet God said don't enter because He is not with them, without God with me, without walking with Him, i can't enter and conquer that land too. I'm weak without Him. And i hope i won't delusion myself  thinking that i'm strong enough to fight those "Anakites" with these feeble arms of mine.
So yeah, be like Caleb and Joshua, who are ready to enter the land and take possession of it!

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged. For the Lord, your God will be with you wherever you go." [Joshua 1:9]

Conquer the Promised land! x)

confidence in love

“It is confidence in love. When we are confident in love here is what is happening. We are not preoccupied with trying to get God to like us. We are not negotiating in all of the subtle ways to get God to like me. When I am confident in love I know I am genuine and I know I am enjoyed even when I am struggling.

With that preoccupation out of the way then you can gaze on the beauty realm. But to say the words while you are constantly negotiating in your heart and constantly short circuited, “You are probably mad at me again, God. I am so ugly. I am so broken. I am just a fake, hypocrite, rebellious and proud.” You can not enter the realm of wonder with all of that static electricity going on in your being all of the time.” -Mike Bickle

buck up!

Cousin left for USA today. 4 months to work and 2 months to explore and enjoy the place. Pretty a cool plan. For me, i've always loved travelling, especially backpack travel. It feels good to learn about different cultures, to get to know the lives of people from other countries. Learning the way they think too is pretty exciting. And of course to taste their FOOD! *yes, eventhough it may not be that tasty..hehe* Hope that after my STPM, i can do something similar, if can't, maybe near to similar. Travel :)

Can't seem to finish studying everything for this mid year exam. I'm just barely halfway through. Saving subjects that are needed to be saved. Feels like am throwing life floats to those Subjects, but those Subjects kept floating in random directions. Sometimes, when i'm under pressure, i'll in the end turn to the "Protect" mode, turning my eyes away from the things that are giving me stress(except for the things i enjoy very much). Need to deal with this, to be willing to face the pressure. I know stpm is not just an exam for me to get into uni. But its a chance for me to build up my character, throw away those last minute attitude, procrastination and help me to aim higher. I need to be willing to change. To not halt and get discouraged when things get rough. To not let perfectionism to hinder me from completing something. Buck up! Even if i get a bad end result, at least, i want to see these weaknesses to be overcome. Seeing those people who strive for the best in the things they do really encourages me. Especially when seeing them doing the best for God's glory. Well, about 6 more months to it! La la la la la ~  i shall dance into the battle. <3